Desperate parents frantically looking for tidiest bit of house for obligatory Facebook school uniform photo

Facebook parents across the country have spent the morning frantically searching for the most flattering part of their home in which to photograph their children wearing their new school uniform.

With Facebook set to be flooded with photos of children in new school uniforms, the race is on between parents keen to ensure that their house is the one that has people talking.

Elizabeth Williams told us, “I want people to see Jacob in his uniform on his first day at school, obviously, but it wouldn’t hurt if a few people could also see that we’ve redecorated the lounge and invested in a new wood-burning stove.

“But then we’ve also had the kitchen done recently, so maybe I should take Jacob’s obligatory uniform photo in front of the new Aga?

“If someone comments on it I will have the chance to mention that I had to go on a course to learn how to use it.

“Decisions decisions.”

However, the choice of photo location in some homes is slightly more straightforward than in others.

Mother of four Sharon Matthews told us, “Me? Oh, I’m just happy if we can find a bit of wall that isn’t covered in crayon or splattered with alphabetti spaghetti.

“Which is why I’ll share a photo taken in the street on the way to school.”

The flood of Facebook photos featuring children in new school uniforms has forced philosophers to update one of their famous thought experiments.

In future, they will ask, “If a child’s uniform photo isn’t shared on Facebook, have they really started school at all?”

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