‘I also love Stella, Stone Island and head-butting foreigners’ insists Keir Starmer showing off the St George’s flag in his bedroom

Keir Starmer is continuing his attempts to butter-up Reform voters by pretending that he loves flags just as much as the next person.

It follows an interview with BBC Radio 5 Live where the Prime Minister desperately revealed that he too has a St George’s flag in his flat that he sleeps with every single night.

“Mind if I crack open a Stella?” said Keir Starmer, pouring the lager into a decanter.

“Sometimes I like to come in here and just stare at that red cross for hours and hours. Oops, ignore the price tag attached to the front. I forgot to take it off many, many years ago. Obviously I didn’t just buy this flag yesterday or anything. 

“Mmm, this Stella is going down a treat. That’s what the Reform voters like to drink, right? I can change beer if that’ll help me win them over? And you’re absolutely sure they don’t prefer a light Chardonnay or perhaps a Merlot? Okay, Stella it is then. Which is fine, because I really love the stuff.

“God, you know what I’ve just realised as well? I bloody love a two-footed tackle. You know, like in that game all the people watch. Football, is it? Up the Arsenal is what I like to say. I don’t know about you, but Bukayo Salah is my favourite player by miles. 

“Hang on. Let me just double-check with my Press Secretary that Arsenal are my team.”

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