Arsehole vs Twat

In what experts are calling “a spectacular implosion of ego and entitlement that absolutely everyone predicted,” Elon Musk and Donald Trump have publicly fallen out – just five months into Trump’s second term in the White House.

The MAGA base is in turmoil, unsure which sweaty, shouty billionaire man-child to follow. Is it the self-declared TechnoJesus who names his kids like wifi passwords? Or the convicted felon who thinks wind turbines cause cancer?

Musk lit the fuse by claiming he was “single-handedly responsible” for Trump’s return to the White House, allegedly by shadow-banning swing state liberals via SpaceX satellites. Trump responded with presidential grace and dignity – by leaking that Musk “does more drugs than Hunter Biden at Pablo Escobar’s birthday.”

Not to be outdone, Musk fired back, cryptically tweeting: “Let’s check the Epstein files. Trump’s in there. I’ve got the receipts. #Lol.” The tweet was accompanied by a GIF of a rocket exploding and the phrase “Sad!”

The row has led to the unthinkable: MAGA supporters now have to choose between their two golden idols. Like a redneck Sophie’s Choice. One user on Truth Social wrote, “I named my truck ‘Elon’ and my shotgun ‘Don’. What do I do now???”

Observers note that the fallout was inevitable. “You can’t put two unfiltered narcissists in the same psychodrama and expect harmony,” said one political scientist, before muttering something about moving to Canada.

And so, we’re left with one burning question: which one is the arsehole, and which is the twat? Historians may never know. Perhaps they’re both just different flavours of the same unpleasant sausage.

One thing’s certain: in the war of Arsehole vs Twat, the only winner is Schadenfreude.

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