Neutral football fans busy scouring Europa League fine print in hope of finding way both teams can lose

Neutral football fans across the country are coming to terms with a Europa League final in which they face a lose-lose scenario.

With widely despised Manchester United taking on the broadly loathed Tottenham Hotspur in tonight’s Europa League final, fans across the country are facing the realisation that one of them will be rewarded for an awful season on the pitch a trophy and with Champions League football next season.

Football fan Simon Williams told us, “It just feels like there has to be a rule somewhere that gives us a glimmer of hope that they can both lose?

“I know it would a first in a sport that’s been around for over 150 years, but records are there to be broken, after all.

“If I can’t find anything in the rulebook, there’s still a chance. I mean, what if aliens invade and the match is abandoned? Does that mean no winner is declared? I know it’s not exactly the same, but no winner is almost as good as them both losing.

“I’d happily take interplanetary invasion over seeing one of these two in the Champions League next season.”

Another fan told us, “It makes me feel a bit sick. It’s like when the absolute worst people win the lottery. You know they don’t deserve it, but there is nothing you can do about it.

“On the plus side, we can keep everything crossed and hope that the winning side continues its current trend and throws away its lottery winnings on dross players with ridiculous contracts to continue their advancing mediocrity.

“It’s the silver lining I’m clinging to.”

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