£50 million project to dim the sun already showing positive results between 10pm and 5am

Scientists have been given a £50 million grant to spray Sulfate particles from planes in high atmosphere to try and reduce the amount of harmful rays from the sun making it to Earth, thus mitigating impending climate disasters. 

Simon Williams, a spokesman and technical researcher for the project, said, “Obviously, no one wants the Earth to turn into an uninhabitable hell-hole. But, equally obviously, no one wants to adjust their lifestyles even the slightest to prevent that happening.

“That’s where the ARIA project comes in. Bonkers? Yes. Lucrative? Yes. Effective? At very specific times of the day, sure.”

Trying to get ahead of accusations that this is the kind of shit that happens at the start of at least 25% of post-apocalyptic sci-fi novels, Williams said, “Honestly, this is mostly to give something back to those conspiracy theorists that have given us so much joy over the years.

“Can you imagine how much milage those chemtrail tinfoil-hat dipshits are going to get out of this?

“There has literally never been a better time to be an ill-informed moron on the Internet.

“I’ll admit, the initial name for the project was ‘Skynet’ as it’s a sort of high altitude net around the UK that protects us, then someone pointed out the apocalyptic film link and the extinction of mankind.

“So we thought The Day After Tomorrow Project, just keep it simple as we were going to start in the next couple of days… Then someone pointed out the apocalyptic film link.

“Look, It’ll never work anyway, me taking a breath and exhaling hard would have a greater cooling effect.

“This is really one of those, fling shit at the walls and see what sticks, kind of situation.”

Adding, “I understand now that’s not literal.”

Advertisement

TopicalT-shirts

Wear your opinions and maybe even annoy a politician or two!

See the full collection →