Adrien Brody enters third day of acceptance speech
by Nathan Cowley 2 years ago 
Adrien Brody has officially entered the third day of his Oscars acceptance speech after winning Best Actor for The Brutalist.
The two-time Oscar winner, who apparently only wins awards if his film ends in ‘ist’, has been babbling on continuously since Sunday evening about all the people he has to thank.
“I never realised he had such a big family,” said stage manager Simon Williams. “He’s been going on for so long we’ve had to add Michael Caine to the ‘In Memoriam’ section.
“I get that he’s excited and everything, but we all want to go home. It’s not like it’s his first time. He won for The Pianist in 2003. You know, the film by that nonce. Roman something.
“He should’ve wrapped it up when Meryl Streep passed out from dehydration a couple of hours ago. Oh fuck, he’s finished listing his family members and now he’s reading out the names of random Uber drivers who took him to the set every day.
“I prefer the posthumous recipients. At least we don’t have to listen to them talk. I tell you what, Adrien Brody is going to be one of those recipients if he makes me miss the last train again.
“I suppose I better call my wife and tell her I’m going to be late for Christmas dinner.”
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