RFK Jr’s first health policy to reintroduce the ‘five second rule’
by Nathan Cowley 2 years ago 
The new US health secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr has introduced a mandatory ‘five second rule’ as his first policy.
RFK Jr, who has continuously embraced conspiracy theories linking vaccines to autism, was confirmed as the new US health secretary after Senators voted 52-48 in favour.
“Bobby Jr is a big believer that carpets hold a lot of valuable vitamins and nutrients that are important to the health of this nation,” said US health advisor Simon Williams.
“That’s why we’re introducing a new initiative requiring all dropped food to be eaten within five seconds. If you see a piece of food on the floor that has been there for less than five seconds, you are legally-required to shove it in your mouth.
“We don’t care if there’s a hair on it. We don’t care if there’s a fly on it. We don’t care if it’s underneath a pile of dog shit. You either pick it up and eat it or get a $1,000 fine.
“In fact, I ate a lovely piece of broccoli yesterday. My two year old threw it on the floor. But if my country requires me to a piece of broccoli that’s been thrown onto the doormat by the back door where we all wipe our shoes, then so be it.
“That’s what Trump’s America is all about.”
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