Protester jailed after eating breakfast with whole milk instead of semi-skimmed

Protester Simon Williams, 39, has been sentenced to 20 months for his involvement in this month’s riots that took place after he used full-fat milk on his cereal.

Williams, who ate the breakfast in question on the morning of the first riots, saw social media posts which led him to believe that an asylum seeker had killed three young children, which meant he felt duty-bound as a proud patriot to throw bricks at the police and set fire to a library.

The court said that Williams has been jailed for violent disorder, which involved throwing projectiles at police and setting fire to public property, and that his choice of breakfast played no part in his sentencing.

However, many patriot groups have leapt to Williams’ defence, insisting he is a martyr to two-tier Keir’s police state.

Tommy Robinson said, “Jailed for choosing a slightly less-healthy breakfast option. Let that sink in!”

Others have waded into the controversy, with one supporter telling reporters, “This is just like communist China. How can they justify locking him up just for choosing a different milk for his cornflakes?

“This just proves they could come for ANY of us, at ANY time!”