Disney lawyers sneak ‘unmanned aerial drone strike for anyone sharing login details’ clause into Disney+ T&Cs

Disney has updated its Disney+ terms and conditions, capitalising on the fact no one seems to care when their terms prevent them from being accountable for human deaths related to their intellectual property.

Following an aggressive legal rebuttal against a bereaved husband suing the theme park branch of Disney for negligence and wrongful death, citing the fact they signed up to Disney+ several years earlier – Disney’s lawyers have gone one step further.

Clearly emboldened by the fact they weren’t immediately rounded up and savagely beaten with crickets bats smeared in excrement for crimes against human decency for their latest legal defence, the team are moving forward with an aggressive new legal strategy.

Capitalising on significant monetary reserves coupled with a moral compass that points directly towards Lucifer’s sphincter, lawyers were able to draft a slew of new clauses that ranged from being “financially predatory” to a “potential future war crime to be tried at the Hague in years to come”. 

At the forefront of the proposals is clause 14.2.31C, colloquially known as the “Mickey Taker”, buried in page 14 of Disney+ terms of service, authorising the immediate deployment of a napalm-laden combat drone to any and all users suspected of exceeding the maximum number of screens per household, or of sharing login information.

Simon Williams, a spokesman for the Disney legal team, told us, “We weren’t sure we’d have the budget to work these changes in, but Inside Out 2 really brought home the bacon.

“Its uplifting message of self-belief and growth did, unfortunately, bring a lot of what you humans refer to as ‘happiness’ into the world. But it’s a small price to pay to further our global interests through unilateral small-scale military incursions against people that cancelled their subscription midway through the free trial.” 

Progressive viewers of Disney+ reacted with disappointment at the news, with one, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals, being quoted as saying, “Whenever Disney features a non-white character, I did try to fight the good fight for them.

“I’d explain to predominantly Trump supporters that more than two non-white characters in a piece of media don’t necessarily equate to leftists plotting to destabilise America through deep-state agendas.

“This military drone thing, though… I’ve got to be honest, it really leaves a sour taste.

“I’d cancel my membership but the new season of Daredevil looks pretty good and… I also didn’t read the T’s and C’s when I signed up, so I’m pretty sure if I try and leave now, my life is legally classed as forfeit.”

Advertisement

Classic BritishComedy tees

Celebrating the best of British comedy from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.

See the full collection →