“We’ve been utter shite”  – Rishi Sunak votes for Labour

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Rishi Sunak has dramatically voted Labour the General Election today after admitting that the Tories had ‘totally fucked it’.  

As polling stations opened this morning, and the nation began casting their vote to decide who will run the country for the next five years, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak emerged from his local polling station to announce he had voted for Labour.

Speaking earlier, he confirmed, “We’ve fucked it, to be fair. We’ve been utterly shite.

“I have decided to vote for Labour because, quite frankly, we’ve been awful. I mean really really bad. 

“And I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for this shit to continue for another 5 years. Imagine. I mean honestly, we’re fucking shocking.

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“Obviously I did consider voting for one of the other parties, but there’s no point voting Liberal Democrat, and Farage is a twat, so I’ve had to go with Starmer because hopefully they will win.”

Asked if he feels like he has betrayed his own party by voting for the opposition, we were told, “Well, yes, but fuck me, we’re SO shit it’s unreal.”