Sunak invokes “Rwanda-is-safe-if-I-say-so” precedent to declare that Wales did qualify for EURO 2024

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Reality-denying Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is today continuing his fight against verifiable facts by insisting that Wales is indeed taking part in Euro 2024.

Following yesterday’s laughable cock-up in a brewery, Rishi Sunak is now seeking to deflect accusations that he is just an inept, ill-informed man who continually makes an arse of himself and has no interest whatsoever in the Welsh.

In a move drawn from his “Rwanda is only as dangerous as I declared it to be” playbook, he promised to use Westminster’s post-Brexit powers to once again distort reality and reverse Wales’s non-qualification for the EUROs.

Despite losing a qualification play-off against Poland, Wales will now be competing this summer, according to a defiant Sunak.

Some less delusional folk have challenged the practicalities of this latest Tory madness and demanded to know how the government could guarantee that planes full of Welsh fans and footballers would actually take off for Germany before the big kick-off on June 14. 

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After the usual brief pretence of having thought the issue through properly, a triumphant Tory spokesperson announced that they could just insert the Dragons into the competition in place of previously qualified Scotland, “because we care even less about that lot”.

He then avoided any further embarrassing questions by suddenly fleeing, claiming that he was off to buy Rishi some waterproof St Georges flags so that the PM could patriotically advertise his support for England, whilst staying incredibly dry in even the heaviest of of downpours.

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