Hopes raised for summer general election after government of bullshit artists categorically rules it out

author avatar by 4 weeks ago

The nation’s voters are eagerly anticipating a summer general election, after government officials categorically ruled it out.

A spokesperson for the prime minister said, “This government has no intention of calling a summer general election, and any rumours of such an event are entirely false.

Voter Simon Williams channelled most of the voting public when he said, “I better not book a summer holiday just yet then.

“I had pretty much ruled out an election before the autumn or winter – but now that this government has said it definitely won’t happen, I can’t see any future in which it doesn’t.

“Their track record as far as political honesty goes is far from stellar, and if they had just stayed silent I could have believed it was never going to happen – but not now they have publicly ruled it out.

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“In fact, the only way I would believe a summer general election wasn’t going to happen, is if Rishi Sunak himself drove a big red bus around the country insisting that it was.”

Political commentators have insisted that taking the government’s words at face value is dangerous at the best of times, but that a categoric denial is just about the most rock-solid guarantee that something is going to happen as you are ever likely to get.

I’m voting for the side with the fewest arseholes – get the t-shirt!

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