Quickie divorces granted to couples who cite ‘irreconcilable differences’ over how to load dishwasher

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New laws that are soon to come into force could see quickie divorces granted to couples who cite an irreconcilable difference over the best way to load a dishwasher.

Divorce laws are being overhauled to ensure you can legally end a marriage to a partner who is just a pain in the arse, rather than relying on adultery or well-documented unreasonable behaviour.

The move is expected to be a blessed relief to thousands of married couples tied into marriages which are frankly very annoying indeed.

Simon Williams told us, “She put the forks into the dishwasher prongs down. Prongs DOWN. I can’t believe we lasted five years, to be honest.”

Also included in the new rules, will be couples who fall out over putting the bins out, and those who disagree about how to put the laundry away.

Simon’s wife Sharon told us, “He’s always forgetting to put the bin out, or worse, he’ll push everything down inside the bin just to avoid taking it out for another day. Which makes the bin bag split and fills the bottom of the bin with bin juice. I should have left his filthy arse years ago.

“Thankfully we can get this whole divorce thing sorted as soon as a judge takes a cursory look at how he folds the laundry.

“I mean, he just balls up his t-shirts up like he’s going camping – Christ, we’re not bloody savages.”

Divorce lawyers have spoken out in support of the new rules, with a spokesperson for the industry telling us, “Ker-ching.”