The Gammonati demands a time machine to go back and complain about the 2012 Olympics ‘changing the colours of our flag!’

author avatar by 4 weeks ago

The Gammonati have demanded access to a time machine today so they can go back to the Olympics in 2012 and complain about the Team GB kit and its abomination of a union flag, in order to prevent them all from looking like massive hypocrites today.

The self-proclaimed “Gammonati,” a vocal group known for their traditionalist views and love of red-faced ranting, have demanded a time machine, insisting their nemesis—the Wokerati—MUST have one.

They believe the only way they can be made to look like hypocrites with such alarming regularity is because the Wokerati keeps going back in time to change things to make them look bad.

The group are determined to return to London in the summer of 2012 and launch a protest against the “outrageous” redesign of the Union Jack for the team’s kit, a crime against the flag that went curiously unremarked upon by them at the time.

The latest controversy began when the England football team unveiled their latest kit, incorporating a rainbow of inclusive colours into the design of the England flag on the back of the collar.

The Gammonati were quick to express their outrage over what they perceive as an unforgivable alteration of national symbolism. However, critics were swift to point out the group’s glaring oversight more than a decade ago when the Union Jack underwent a similar transformation for the Olympics, a detail the Gammonati seem to have missed while likely engaged in heated debates over the EU or the correct way to serve a full English breakfast.

Undeterred by accusations of hypocrisy, the Gammonati have doubled down, insisting that their failure to protest in 2012 was merely an oversight due to their busy schedules of complaining about other matters and not, as some suggest, a case of selective outrage today.

“We were too focused back then on the EU’s egregious overreach and blaming the nation’s poor for austerity,” a spokesperson explained, fanning themselves with a Union Jack handkerchief.

The demand for a time machine has left scientists baffled, and historians amused.

“While the practicalities of time travel are, let’s say, challenging, the notion of using such a groundbreaking technology to complain about the colour scheme of a flag is, well, a uniquely Gammonati behaviour,” remarked a leading physicist.

Meanwhile, plans are afoot to transport the Gammonati inside a windowless van to a location they could easily believe was over a decade in the past. The current preferred location is Doncaster.