Tories accused of using leap day to delay general election even further

author avatar by 2 months ago

The Conservative government has been accused by Labour of using the February 29th leap day to delay the general election even further.

“This beleaguered, failing regime will stop at nothing to prevent the British people electing the government they want,” announced Sir Keir Starmer to reporters, while looking about as animated as it’s possible for him to be, which isn’t very animated at all.

“They have spent the last year doing everything in their power to avoid a general election, and this latest introduction of an extra day ‘out of thin air’ is just another sign of how low they will stoop.

“The British people will not fall for it. They demand a general election now, and they simply will not accept these feeble excuses about the Earth taking 365.2422 days to revolve around the sun and the leap day being necessary to account for the 0.2422 extra days per year that would eventually push our winter into the middle of July without a correction. Do they take the electorate for fools?”

Meanwhile, senior Tories have rejected Starmer’s claims, insisting they cannot be held responsible for the celestial orbits of the major bodies in our solar system.

“Nonsense,” replied Starmer, “If they continue to insist that Jimmy Savile is down to me, then this extra delay is most certainly down to them!”