Father Christmas reportedly took advantage of a 50% discount on SatNavs and LED headlights at his favourite online retailer, the result of which has left his most famous reindeer facing a bleak Christmas.
Simon, the elf in charge of transport at the North Pole told reporters, “As part of Santa’s sleigh modernisation programme, the decision has been made to invest in new technology to enable him to travel more efficiently and safely.
“The top of the range SatNav we have purchased will guide the direction of the sleigh, and the LED headlights will illuminate the way ahead.
“Rudolph’s nose may be so shiny that some would even say it glows, but it doesn’t stand a chance of competing with 2000 super bright LEDs, that’s for sure.”
He continued, “We would like to thank Rudolph for the many years of service he has provided since being given the task of guiding Santa’s sleigh, a role which earned him great respect from the other reindeer who previously wouldn’t let him join in any of their games.
“We wish him all the best for the future.”
Attempts to contact Rudolph for his reaction were unsuccessful, but a close friend told the press that, “Rudolph is a resilient reindeer, and although disappointed with this decision he is still certain that he will go down in history, as promised by the others when he got the job.
“He has actually just started writing his autobiography, which will include a tell-all account of what Santa is really like behind closed doors, how they manage to circumnavigate the entire planet in one night, and a very interesting chapter on the ‘special’ relationship between his colleagues Dancer and Prancer.”
The source added, “He’s pinning a lot on this book selling well.
“If it doesn’t there is a grave possibility that he could end up in a British garden centre being gawked at by primary school children, and that would be a real shame.”