Man dies horrible, violent death after failing to read Friday 13th NewsThump article

author avatar by 2 months ago

A man has met a dreadful, gory demise after he failed to read a NewsThump article which allowed site visitors to avoid a terrible curse.

Simon Williams, 34, was browsing through social media hoping to see a few funnies as he drank his morning coffee.

He soon stumbled across a spoof news story with the headline, ‘Man cursed to die horrible, violent death after failing to read Friday 13th NewsThump article.’

However, despite the clearest of warnings, Simon skipped past the article and browsed on to watch a two-minute reel of someone making scrambled eggs, as if that wasn’t something he could already do relatively competently.

A friend of Simon told us, “It’s just tragic. The article itself described a man who died after failing to reading a comedy news article.

“If only Simon had read it, then maybe a few hours after reading the article, in which this man supposedly popped out to get some lunch and died in a gruesome freak accident, he wouldn’t have died in a gruesome freak accident while popping out to get some lunch.

“Thank God I read it, and that you did too. Did you know that around the world about 150,000 people will die today, and I’ll bet that none of them will have read this story.

“The curse is real.”