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The Indian summer being experienced by parts of the UK is threatening the far more deserving British autumn, according to GB News resident spokesracist, Nigel Farage.
The former UKIP leader and presenter on the entertainment channel for easily angered simpletons, expressed concern that the unseasonably high temperatures of the Indian summer were set to erode the traditional pastimes of the season, wreaking widespread pleasure amongst natives of its adopted home.
Farage told viewers, “We here at GB News are fully aware the British autumn often turns things brown, but despite this, we still support its right to work as a traditional indigenous British season.
“This foreign-sounding summer has quite brazenly landed on the British Isles, probably by small boat, and all thanks to our soft-touch immigration controls. This is entirely the predictable outcome of open borders.
“The UK is clearly a soft touch – you don’t hear of British Autumn encroaching on Indian Spring-time, do you?
“The last thing we want is for this Indian summer to get the sort of welcome that gives hope to the tens of thousands of refugees making their way across Europe.”
GB News viewer Deirdre Matthews has been left confused by the channel’s stance, admitting to being conflicted about the impact of the Indian summer.
She explained, “It’s foreign-sounding, but it has allowed me to have my breakfast on the patio in a pair of shorts, and get all my washing dry in a single morning – so I just don’t know what to think?
“How can something that’s named after a place full of brown people be so bloody pleasant?
“It doesn’t make any sense and now my brain hurts. I don’t like it. If I wanted to “think” about things I wouldn’t be watching to GB News.”
I think, therefore I am (not a GB News viewer) – get the mug here!
