Collapsing school given immediate funding for repairs after being mistaken for a Tory MPs moat

author avatar by 10 months ago

A school suffering from the effects of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete (RAAC) has received an immediate cash boost courtesy of the taxpayer after an admin error saw it mistaken for the moat of a sitting Tory MP.

Whitehall officials have apologised for the error, insisting they will take steps to ensure that no money destined for the pockets of MPs ever makes its way to a crumbling school ever again.

The headmaster of the Grange Comprehensive in Daventry, Simon Williams, told us, “We have significant issues with RAAC, and half the school is closed, but overnight we saw tens of thousands of pounds suddenly appear in our account and so we’ve got builders onsite fixing the issues right now.

“We were told funding and repairs could take months, even years to complete, so it was a pleasant surprise to be able to throw some cash at the problem and have it fixed in just a few days.

“Who knew the secret to getting your hands on money for essential services was to pretend to be a plaything of someone in government. As an educational establishment, this was a good lesson to learn.

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“We had a call this morning from someone in the government asking for the money back, but we obviously said no. Apparently I should feel bad that there will be a moat going undredged this week.

“I do not.”

Williams explained he plans to use the government’s desire to give money ‘to its own’ to his advantage.

He went on, “Just this morning I applied for a grant to improve our science department by explaining the money is actually for a new tech company we’ve set up with Michelle Mone. The money was in our account before I finished the phone call.

“I would advise any other struggling schools to try pretending to be a rich Tory, in terms of getting money out of taxpayer funds it’s like a superpower.”