Simplified Myers-Briggs test to split people into either ‘Gullible Doormat’ or ‘F**k Your Stupid Quiz’ personality types

author avatar by 10 months ago

The Myers Briggs personality test, which is used in many workplaces to help people understand that their HR department is full of clueless chancers, has had a radical revamp which does away with the traditional 16 personality types, now deemed too numerous.

Simone Williams, a woman whose abject ignorance of behavioural psychology does not stop her from charging companies thousands of pounds to administer MBTI tests to workers with no choice in the matter, explained the new 2-type division was a much-needed modernisation.

She went on, “Although Myers-Briggs tests have been around ever since two bored housewives cooked up a completely baseless division of behaviour traits solely so they could feel smug about their marriages, the Internet has changed people’s perception of it.

“All too often, people go online to try and game the system. They guess what absurdly reductive personality type their idiot boss wants and they change their answers accordingly. Unfortunately, the web also helps people look up terms like charlatan and pseudoscience.

“So we now have employed an actual psychologist who told us that we can know everything about an employee simply by whether or not they accept to take a personality test in the first place.

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“Those that do can be counted upon to believe any amount of blatant lies about their chances of promotion or the financial health of the company. Those who refuse will be good to have around in a crisis but will discreetly spit in their manager’s coffee if they get offered a swanky new title in lieu of a pay raise.

“I also do horoscopes if you’re interested.”