Nation brought to a standstill as Nigel Farage is refused Egg McMuffin even though it’s barely past 11

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The UK’s entire political and media sectors have ditched whatever they were doing and will now spend weeks obsessed with the terrifying prospect that a newt-faced grifter with no electoral mandate might once again have to endure the same rules as the people he claims to speak for.

According to Mr Farage, an attempt to buy an Egg McMuffin Meal at a McDonald’s drive-through near Daventry resulted in him being told the breakfast sandwich was only available to trans-woke migrants, and he needed to be cancelled for speaking up for the working class.

This is a version of events Mcdonald’s denies, citing its well-known rule about breakfast serving times.

TalkTV, GBNews, the Sun, the Daily Mail and other media outlets have sprung into action following the incident. Simon Williams, columnist for the Daily Express, explained that freedom itself was at stake.

He went on, “Today, it is a political titan who is being refused his wish under the guise of so-called serving policies. But make no mistake; you could be next. You could be refused a burger simply for calling the staff filthy foreigners. And down that road lies the camps.”

The press were not the only ones condemning the horrific incident. On and off the record, senior conservatives talked about legislation that would prohibit food sector employees from imposing basic adherence to rules to chancers wrongly canonised as the living spirit of populist disasters.

Deputy Chairman Lee Anderson MP tweeted that the army should be sent in to seize all McDonald’s and make them into Wimpys.

Or Little Chefs.