Hollywood actors strike immediately called off after producers threaten to re-release Jaws The Revenge

author avatar by 11 months ago

The writers and actors strike in Hollywood has been dramatically called off today it is revealed, after producers threatened to re-release the awful 80’s dirge that is Jaws The Revenge.

With news emerging that actors were to join writers in taking action over pay and conditions, further news has now emerged that all action has immediately been postponed after producers threatened to just keep releasing Jaws sequels.

A spokesperson for the Actors Guild told us, “F**k that, the strike is off.

“We have decided to call off all industrial action immediately due to serious threats made by producers in relation to re-releasing particularly bad movies.

“We have been advised, and we are not sure that this is a legitimate threat, but we have to take it seriously, that Jaws The Revenge will be re-released in cinemas across the world if performers don’t call off the strike.

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“That film was so shit, I mean soooo shit we can’t put people through this. People will think performing in stuff like this is what we do all day. We have to get back to work.

“Forget about the pay, and all the AI concerns; have you SEEN Jaws The Revenge?”

Asked if any other threats had been made to re-release bad movies, we were told, “Yes, Eternal and Quantumania, but that must be false.  Surely that would be illegal under war crimes legislation?”