CPTTP triumph as sovereign UK gives complete veto over its laws to small textile factory in Nha Trang

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Freebooting UK has celebrated a trade victory after joining the Comprehensive and Progressive Agreement for Trans-Pacific Partnership which, among other things, will allow any commercial entity in 11 countries to use secret courts to block laws passed by Parliament.

Don Jimon Guillermo, the CEO of a gold mining firm in Peru who miraculously found a source of legal income right in the heart of cocaine processing jungle territory, said he was delighted to be able to block legislation put forward by British ministers.

“One of my big problems is countries trying to combat money laundering by insisting on stricter controls over the origins of precious metals. But now, if that Chancellor man of yours thinks he can dictate new rules getting me to prove my gold was mined and not delivered in suitcases, then I can take the UK to a secret court and force that pendejo to sit in a corner.”

In Malaysia, palm oil planter Ahmad Regat also hailed the UK signing up to be his personal dancing monkey.

“I put a lot of effort into burning up huge swathes of primordial rainforest in Borneo, so I’m really happy your government has given me the power to kill off any law that that silly parliament of yours might pass that impacts palm oil exporters. Now, it doesn’t matter if a zealous health minister wants to stop toddlers becoming morbidly obese because companies put palm oil in baby food. Nothing you can do about it, English pundek.”

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Fervent Brexiteer and Trade Minister Kemi Badenoch said she will issue a complete statement on the treaty as soon as Vietnamese shrimpers give her permission to do so.