Nursery school teacher says woke brigade have gone too far after toddler identifies as a little teapot

A nursery school teacher has been left stunned and confused after a small child declared themselves to be a little teapot, short and stout.

“I just didn’t know what to say,” Simone Williams told us this morning, wringing her hands in despair.

“I’ve heard horror stories on GB News about children choosing to identify as cats, and I’ve heard loads of hilarious comedians – also on GB News – make jokes about people identifying as attack helicopters, but to hear it in real life was a bit of a shock.”

She explained, “Little Timmy, who is only three years old, toddled over to me yesterday afternoon and just told me very calmly that he was not a boy, as we had all assumed he was, but that instead, he identified as a little teapot, short and stout. He even then tried to pretend that one of his arms was a handle, and the other was a spout. It’s tragic.

“I blame the woke brigade for relentlessly pushing the LGBTQIA+ agenda on us. Thank goodness we have sane, rational people like Laurence Fox to fight back and restore some reason to this mad world.”

Timmy, three-and-a-half, told us, “Well, this situation is quite frankly ridiculous, as anyone with a shred of common sense can see.

“As a cisgender male, I was merely singing my favourite song, and not, as my teacher thought, declaring my gender identity.”

Sighing, he concluded, “I wish her generation weren’t such a bunch of terrified reactionary snowflakes.”

Woke, THE definition!

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