Fears Tory government under attack from The Blob, a terrifying 1950s movie monster

author avatar by 12 months ago

Tories are growing increasingly vocal in their concerns that the Rishi Sunak government is under attack by a 1950s movie monster called ‘The Blob.’

“I don’t mind admitting, I’m terrified,” explained Jonathan Gullis, Tory MP and leading stupid person.

“The Blob is this terrifying space monster that’s just a giant lump of weird jelly-stuff. It just goes about sort of sucking in and eating everything it comes across.

“Mum let me stay up to watch a film about it, and I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

“Now, it’s coming after us. Normal, hardworking Tory MPs who are just trying to avoid doing our job while making a load of money on the side.”

Andrea Jenkyns is a Tory MP whose idiocy can be seen from space.

“So far, we’ve seen The Blob claim Boris Johnson and Dominic Raab. Now it seems to be going after Suella. 

“That must mean it’s here in the Houses of Parliament. Just oozing through the drains and stuff. That’s the thing with The Blob, because it’s made of jelly, it can squeeze through the smallest space.”

Jenkyns has taken drastic steps to save herself from the creature.

“I’ve barricaded myself in my office, I’ve plugged up every gap in the wall. It’s a sealed room. I’ve even changed the phone number in case The Blob can get you through the phone line. Only GB News and corporate mates who need a favour have got my new number. I’m just going to wait it out.”

Whilst The Blob is currently the primary cause of concern amongst Tory MPs, there is also a worry that other 1950s movie monsters like The Thing From Another World, the 50 Foot Woman, and The Fly could all be plotting their attack.

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