The debut novella from the Met Police, Coronation Arrests Reasons, wins Booker Prize for Fiction

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In a world first, the prestigious Booker Prize was given to a writers’ collective within the Metropolitan Police for a surrealist compendium of reasons for arresting anti-monarchists that critics claim “pushes beyond the reader’s boundaries of reality and belief.”

DCI Simon Williams, who heads the Met Police’s writers’ group, explained that he was delighted by the prize and the recognition of his group for their tireless efforts in writing material that takes readers far beyond anything the real world has to offer.

“I’ll admit we lucked out and hit the zeitgeist with our psychedelic depictions of bottles of paint or dadaist plots to scare horses that are trained to perform around cannon fire. But we like to show that the daily actions of a London bobby, such as jailing someone overnight on a whim, are fertile grounds for picaresque tales of fake stewards planning to glue themselves to a King.

“A cop’s mundane decision to put someone in a cell because we don’t like their opinions, or they are thinking of pressing rape charges, can, with a bit of imagination, transform into a Theatre of the Absurd of brazen claims clearly pulled out of our PR department’s arse.

“And I hope that now we’ve got some recognition, people will take our previous work more seriously. We’re very proud of our long-form novel, Reasonable Grounds To Search Those Coloured Chaps.

“And fans of magical realism will most certainly enjoy our classic He Fell Down The Stairs series.