Palace to release limited-edition commemorative replica King Charles bowel movement

The palace has confirmed that it will be releasing a limited-edition commemorative replica of King Charles’s morning bowel movement on the day of the coronation.

At 8am, King Charles will retire with his toilet assistants and move his bowels onto the ceremonial dumping plate. The dumping plate was a gift from King Gustav II of Sweden in 1678, and has been used by every King and Queen since then to curl one onto on the day of their investiture.

The royal deposit will then be frozen to prevent degeneration and rushed to a studio in Ruislip where skilled artisans will work quickly to produce an exact mold of the sovereign dump.

That mold will be used to create a series of 500 replicas cast in the highest quality bronze that will make a stunning centrepiece to any dining table or mantelpiece.

The replica defecation will be delivered in a presentation case with a certificate of authenticity, and will cost £150, including post and packaging.

To reserve your replica regal excretion, simply post a cheque or cash to the value of £150 into your toilet, and I’m sure it’ll sort itself out.

Following a query from MP Mark Francois, the palace has confirmed that the model will not feature any replica taste.

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