Tory strategists confident that large gains for opposition parties is ‘the people’ telling them to keep doing what they’re doing

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The Conservative party has confirmed that losing hundreds of council seats to parties that want to do things differently to them is the surest sign yet that the people just want them to get on and continue to deliver all the things they’ve been trying to do.

With the Tories set to lose over 500 councillors, senior party figures have decided they know exactly what the electorate is trying to say.

CCHQ  strategist Simon Williams told us, “The people have spoken, and by handing significant gains to the Lid Dems and Labour, they are telling us they are frustrated with our inability to stop drag queens reading stories to children in libraries.

“If you are unhappy with us not yet putting an end to the scourge of trans people using the bathroom of their choice, then, of course, you’re going to vote for a party that doesn’t think it’s very important in the overall scheme of things.

“I promise we are listening, and we have heard you. You want us to get just on and stop the boats. Message received.”

Voters have sighed and slowly shaken their heads after seeing various politicians interpret the results on their televisions.

Basingstoke resident Dave Logan, told us, “The Tories think they lost hundreds of councillors because they haven’t stopped the boats yet? Jesus. I’m sure there is a word for people who keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

“I didn’t vote for the Tories because I think they’ve done a terrible job running the country and have left us with a fractured economy growing the slowest of any G7 country, paralysed by a cost of living crisis and rampant inflation.

“But sure, if they want to delude themselves that it’s because of the small boats, they can knock themselves out.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes!