New records reveal Bill Gates and his wife Melinda divorced after she discovered the massive 5G surveillance operation he has been running since lockdown.
The divorce came after Mrs Gates noticed that Bill was spending an increasing amount of time in his shed, which is attached to the side of a very large mountain.
On confronting him, his wife revealed that Gates confessed to everything in front of a bank of five billion flickering monitors, many of which had an error message of some variety.
Mrs Gates told reporters, “I walked in on Bill just as he was trying to fix the switch that controls Laurence Fox.
“He’d pretty much given up on it and was ready to call Tech Support.”
The tearful but financially secure Melinda continued, “It seems obvious to me that we are at very different points in our lives. I want to concentrate on my creative writing and various charities.
“Bill is more focussed on controlling humanity via a series of microchips secreted inside the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.”
Earlier today, Melinda sought to downplay reports that she has switched to Apple boss, Tim Cook.
She added, “For sure – Tim’s a real nice guy.
“I just don’t think we’re that compatible.”