Homeworker justifies drinking on company time because grandfather he never met was born in Cork

Homeworker Simon Williams is spending his day slowly working through eight cans of Guinness because a relative he never met was born in Cork.

Williams, who, thanks to lockdown, has successfully convinced his employer that he can be a solid contributor to the company’s performance from the comfort of his own home, plans to take significant advantage of this fact today.

He told us, “Look, I know some people will think this is just an excuse to get drunk during the day, but all I’m really doing is paying due respect to my ancestors.

“I mean, I don’t know if my Grandad drank Guinness on a normal Friday lunchtime – because he died before I was born – but he was born in Cork, which is in Ireland, so that means he almost certainly did drink Guinness on a Friday lunchtime, right?

“My mum says I’ve inherited a lot of things from him, like my rugged good looks and ability to get sunburn on a cloudy November day, but most of all, it’s probably my ability to use the tiniest possible excuse to properly ‘get on it’.

“So today, that’s what I will be doing, right here at my desk in the kitchen. Here’s to you Grandad, cheers.

“Sorry, sláinte.”

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