No-nonsense UK government shoots down number five birthday balloon over Surrey

author avatar by 4 months ago

The UK government has dramatically shot down an object flying over Surrey, in the shape of a number five made from a strange metallic material. 

With news emerging of further high-altitude objects shot down in the US, news has now emerged that the UK government has also become involved to show how serious we are by shooting down a balloon, which may also have had a unicorn sticker on it. 

A Spokesperson for the government confirmed, “That’ll show ’em.

“We can confirm that the UK has engaged in an air combat operation this morning, which involved the downing of a highly dangerous target, in the shape of a birthday balloon.

“Technically, the object was an Unidentified Flying Object, because facing one way, it looked like a ‘five’, but the other way, it looked more like an upside down ‘two’.

“But shooting it down shows that we are also ‘well hard’, and can shoot things down just as well as those in America.

“The target, which was flying around highly erratically, whichever way the wind was blowing, was eliminated at 11:00 hours by an air-to-air missile, and no longer poses a threat to the UK.

“Further investigation led us to believe that the target was indeed a birthday balloon, released accidentally by a five-year-old girl who has since been arrested on potential spying charges.”

Asked how high the potentially dangerous target had reached before it was immobilised, we were told, “Almost as high as a tree. We don’t mess about”.