How to be suitably enraged by the change of name for Black Boy Lane in Haringey – an idiot’s guide to joining the front lines of the culture war

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

Are you desperate to join the front lines of the culture war, but struggling to know what you should be angry about, and for what reason? Or are you irrationally angry at some things but need a better way to articulate your reasoning to the woke brigade who are obviously to blame? Then this guide is for you.

The culture war is being fought on every street of this country, and nowhere is it clearer than on what used to be called ‘Black Boy Lane’ in Haringey. The Wokeista mob have had it renamed La Rose Lane, because apparently ‘Black Boy Lane’ has some racial connotations. What snowflakes they all are.

This is your opportunity to join the front lines of the culture war, and dive in. You can show everyone you mean business and that the culture war infantry is choc full of competent soldiers, making well-thought-out arguments for their position, and finding a way to win with reason and facts.

Or, if that’s too difficult, you can simply follow our guide below instead, and still become a hero to culture warriors everywhere:

  1. Lie about how much it cost. Money is a key driver for anger in the current economic climate, so if you can claim something you don’t like cost a lot of money, it will make all the right people angry. It doesn’t matter if it’s true, or if there is no evidence to back up your claim, just use a number like £180,000 and everyone will believe you.
  2. Take offence at all the imaginary people who’ve taken offence. Claim the move happened because of angry woke snowflakes demanding the change. In the culture wars it’s always better to take a position against a hallucinated enemy you don’t actually name, because they can’t fight back.
  3. Pretend it affects you personally in any way whatsoever. Someone will ask “why do you care about this, you live 400 miles away in your mum’s spare room?” – so be prepared to explain how changes like this filter through and make everyone’s life worse, including yours. Where does this end? With ZERO streets containing negative racial connotations? This country is going to the dogs.
  4. Lie again about how much it costs. We can’t emphasise this enough. If it’s not getting the traction you need, add another £10k every time you mention it.
  5. Draw an extremely tenuous line between changing the name of this road and all of society’s ills, as you perceive them. You can link any culture war issue to ANY other culture war issue, if you try hard enough. Be creative. The change of name of Black Boy Lane is very easy to link to migrant boats, for example. See our next point below.
  6. Criticise the new name for Black Boy Lane – La Rose Lane – as being named after an immigrant, which is bad, obviously. Did you know one of these immigrants committed a murder recently? Well, they did. It was in the news. This country has gone to the dogs. See how easy that was?
  7. When the time comes that all of your positions have been shown to be false, or based on fake news, move on to the next culture war battle while claiming victory.
  8. Repeat ad-infinitum.