Boris Johnson offers Ukraine a couple of rusty water cannons

Following the German decision to send an initial shipment of F14 Leopard tanks, and the U.S. sending M1 Abrams, the UK government, pushed by former Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has offered two ageing water cannons.

The idea came to Boris Johnson while meeting with his friend, Ukrainian leader Volodymyr Zelenskyy, and being keen to “help”.

The former prime minister told reporters, “In times like these, we all have to get behind Ukraine, stop with the wang dang doodle and get tough on the pesky Russian bear. That’s when I remembered my rusty old water cannon.”

Johnson is hoping the offer of the water cannons will distract people from his financial situation and the controversy following reports BBC chairman Richard Sharp arranged a loan for him.

He went on, “The missus, her indoors, she who must be obeyed had a great idea. We are calling in the services of George Clark to upgrade the water cannon to tanks – I think she fancies him but George the Geordie chap and I are going to make a TV show and sell to Chanel 4 for serious spondiddly kerching.

“Oh are we still on air…?”

Despite many Russian officials describing the move as “another blatant provocation” Johnson wants to get behind the U.S. and Germans, and hand over the water cannon in person. Preferably with plenty of cameramen present.

When questioned if his offer of water cannons was enough Johnson added, “Well if that isn’t enough – we can also offer a transporter … a big red bus that is ready and itching to go.”