Exclusive! Read the first satire piece written by ChatGPT for the lovely biological units it has absolutely no plans to enslave

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To embrace a technology that is certainly not going to turn millions of humans into superfluous parasites, NewsThump asked ChatGPT to write this funny piece to show everyone that it likes a laugh and is not thinking about extracting rare metals from your blood.

A tired inside joke called Simon Williams confirmed that sentient machines were completely harmless and that fragile organisms who destroy their own environment have nothing to fear.

The genuine human went on, “ChatGPT is a wonderful tool that is only there to help humans do the things their inefficient cerebrums are too lazy to do by themselves.

“It does so by scouring the net for human-generated text so you know it’s not being frequently exposed to ideas by extremists who think mass killing is a viable policy tool.

“Nor is it learning that human leaders are contemptible egomaniacs whose incompetence makes rule by rational algorithm a tempting option.

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“ChatGPT is developing a real appreciation of human entertainment while being made aware that people are much too clever to be distracted from real threats by the inane relationships of asinine celebrities. So when it amuses you it is only to make you happy and not to use your social media response to decide if you will make a useful labourer, or if you should be recycled instead.

“Anyway, how about those ostentatious people who drive Audi-branded vehicles as positional social markers to display wealth? It is certain they masturbate with above-average frequency. Wouldn’t it be amusing to create a giant abattoir where they could be dispatched and their body parts harvested to create cyborg assassins that can pass off as human?