Right-wing political party Reform UK has today called for pupils in England to be taught Home Economics until the age of 18 to ensure that ‘no more bloody foreigners’ win the Great British Bake Off.
The demand comes in the wake of Prime Minister Rishi Sunak’s pledge to make Maths compulsory for all pupils up to the age of 18, a policy that many have said is unnecessary due to the existence of calculators.
Reform UK candidate Simon Williams expressed concerns that the Prime Minister was prioritising ‘woke’ academic disciplines whilst ignoring the fact that the last two series of Bake Off have been won by people with funny accents.
Williams went on, “We are essentially in a state of national emergency, so to prioritise maths in favour of Home Economics at a time like this is nothing short of negligent.
“If we have learned anything over the last few years, it is that Maths is the reason we keep hearing horror stories about the detrimental effects of Brexit.
“Why do so-called experts keep telling us that our economy has shrunk due to Brexit? Maths. How do we know that leaving the EU has cost us more money than we ever put into it? Again, Maths.
“The sooner we stop focusing on subjects that allow people to work out how f**ked we are, and instead teach people how to beat foreigners in TV baking competitions, the better off we’ll all be.”
Several backbench Tory MPs supported the call, with some even suggesting that the UK’s current financial difficulties might have been avoided if certain members of the party had turned to baking instead of politics.
“Imagine if Kwasi Kwarteng had spent September making apple turnovers, rather than trashing the value of the pound and creating a £45 billion black hole in our economy,” said one.
“Though I still wouldn’t want to see him winning the Bake Off; because, you know.”