‘Why does Santa use the same wrapping paper as us?’ and other questions which mean you’ve ruined Christmas

author avatar by 2 months ago

Keeping the magic of Christmas alive can be tricky. Watch out for these tell-tale signs that you’ve failed miserably.

Children naturally ask questions about Santa: How does he get in the house when we don’t have a chimney? Has anyone ever seen him? Why is he so fat?

However, if you hear the following questions then you’ve really dropped the ball and ruined your kids’ childhood:

Why does Santa use the same wrapping paper as us?

Your son helped you wrap Grandma’s present, and now he wants to know why his Minecraft Lego was covered in the exact same paper. 

Suggested response: There are branches of Card Factory everywhere, even at the North Pole. And Santa needs to wrap so many presents that he keeps costs down by buying the thinnest, shittiest stuff available.

Why does this Operation game have a sticker saying ‘ASDA Black Friday offer £15.99′?

This is what happens when you leave all the wrapping until late Christmas Eve when you’ve had five Baileys.

Suggested response: mumble something about a packaging error at the Elf Factory and then immediately start playing the actual game with them by way of distraction.

Why hasn’t Rudolph eaten the carrot we left out for him?

Damn, you knew you’d forgotten something.

Suggested response: Maybe he was full – the important thing is that Santa appears to have enjoyed the three mince pies and large glass of sherry.

Why did Santa bring Frozen on DVD when they’re all on Disney+?

Your mother-in-law bought your daughter some cutting-edge DVDs so she can watch Frozen whenever she wants. Has Santa never heard of streaming?

Suggested response: Sometimes the Internet is slow and Santa doesn’t want you to have to deal with any buffering, even if it means watching in standard definition.

Why are all the toys on my Christmas list hidden in your wardrobe?

A game of hide-and-seek seems to have had disastrous consequences.

Suggested response: Santa isn’t real, we spend all our actual money on this crap, you ungrateful little shit.