‘Give us your money or we’ll completely destroy you’ – Twitter’s new pitch to advertisers in full

author avatar by 2 years ago

Elon Musk’s Twitter rebrand continues unabated today, as his ad sales teams continue their pitches to significant advertisers around the world.

We can exclusively reveal a leaked proposal from the struggling social media platform, a copy of which has been sent to hundreds of billion-dollar companies to encourage them to advertise on Twitter. It reads:

“Hello from Twitter!

As you know, things are changing here, and we would love for you to be a part of that change. Yes, there is a cost to being part of the new Twitter, but there are also MANY benefits, such as our new CEO ignoring you.

“Trust us, you want to be ignored by Elon. We’re not saying he can destroy a brand with a Tweet, it sometimes takes two or three, and we would HATE for one of those brands to be yours.

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“A significant advertising campaign on Twitter will not only get you in front of millions of potential customers who now freely enjoy a bit of casual racism, misinformation and bigotry, it will also ensure Elon Musk stays silent on the subject of YOU and your products.

“Do you know how valuable that is? There is no other social media platform on EARTH that can offer you a cast-iron guarantee of silence from Elon himself. None of them. Sure, they might be offering you things like an ad-safe platform free from hate speech, but what is that REALLY worth when you compare it to a public rebuke from Elon himself?

“So sign up to advertise on Twitter today, and remember, you can never EVER stop paying us, or Elon will have his say. We look forward to doing business with you!

Yours sincerely,

The Twitter Advertising Team