Government admits that ‘removing harmful content is not as important as letting malevolent pricks feel comfortable online’

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The government has watered down its Online Safety Bill by removing the need for social media platforms to remove ‘legal but harmful’ content in the hope malevolent pricks will be comfortable while they are online.

Culture minister Michelle Donelan told us, “It’s essential that this online safety bill balances the needs of people who might literally end their lives after browsing harmful content online, and the needs of the sort of spiteful prick that will happily say awful things into a phone camera but wouldn’t dream of saying those things to your face in real life.

“I completely refute the idea that we are changing this bill because malevolent pricks almost always vote for us and we don’t want to alienate them. Yes, their vote counts as much as any vote, but that’s not why we are doing this.

“We are doing it for reasons. Other reasons. Reasons that aren’t important right now, as long as any malevolent pricks who use the Internet in the UK recognise we are on their side.”

Internet user Simon Williams told us, “I am delighted by this victory for free speech. If I can’t create content that says awful things to people that might drive them to self-harm, or worse, then we might as well have let the communists win.”