The Festival of Brexit has been declared about as successful as its namesake after attracting just 20% of its targeted visitors and wasting over a hundred million pounds along the way.
After proving to be nowhere near as popular as many people claim, a huge was of money, and a massive disappointment to those who actually experienced it, the Festival of Brexit is being hailed as the perfect metaphor for the real Brexit.
“Honestly, this was so easy to predict we should have put it on a big red bus,” explained non-moron Simon Williams.
“The religion of Brexit – and by this stage, it is a religion because the only people who still believe in it are certifiable zealots – means they will try and spin this as a success, but in reality, it’s an economic disaster dwarfed only by Brexit itself.
“We, the taxpayers, have spent £120m on an event to tell us how ‘good’ our terrible decision was, and we have stayed away in our droves. The delusional Brexiters thought they would get 66 million visitors.
“This is magical thinking up there with ‘they need us more than we need them’ and ‘the whole world will be queuing up to do a deal with us’.
“As the harsh realities of Brexit really hit home with lower economic growth, slower recovery from the pandemic and businesses repeatedly hamstrung in their attempts to sell into our biggest neighbouring market, I’m sure we will all sleep better at night knowing the government spunked £120m on an event to convince us this all going brilliantly.”