Parliament’s Independent Complaints and Grievance Scheme now UK’s largest employer

So many people have been recruited to Parliament’s complaints body so it can deal with the colossal workload, it is now a major UK employer.

The investigation into Gavin Williamson’s messages is just the latest in a very long line of cases. In fact, if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you work for Parliament’s Independent Complaints and Grievance Scheme (ICGS).

“The ICGS is now officially the UK’s largest employer,” said Head of the body, Simon Williams.

“It’s bigger than the NHS, bigger than Tesco and bigger than the BBC.

“Its huge size is quite simply due to the sheer volume of misconduct among MPs, be it bullying, sexual harassment or physical violence.

“We have a dedicated team of thousands just dealing with MPs who’ve watched hardcore pornography in Parliament.

“Our new WhatsApp department – which looks into abusive messages, dick pics and so on – now employs literally everyone in Swindon after we opened an office there last month.

“But by far the biggest workload comes from the Home Secretary department. It’s almost impossible to keep up with the steady stream of bullying, security breaches and vile, abusive utterances that come out of that place. Even changing the Home Secretary doesn’t seem to make a difference.

“Anyway, I might as well take this opportunity to advertise a great new role for someone looking for a challenge and who has a particularly strong stomach – Deputy Director of Oral Sex in Government Buildings.”