The Hooters chain of restaurants has been inundated with applications from women keen to work there after discovering that the vast majority of their customers are highly desirable alpha males.
After right-wing Trump-licker Nick Adams told his followers that “Real alpha males eat at chicken wings hooters”, women everywhere slapped themselves on the forehead and told themselves “of course!”
Lianne Williams, 28, told us, “Like many women my age, I’ve dated a fair few losers in my time, but I can’t believe it’s because I was relying solely on meeting people through mutual acquaintances, dating apps and in interesting bars and venues.
“I should have been working in Hooters, because of COURSE that’s where the highly desirable alpha males hang out! It makes total sense when you actually think about it.
“If there is one thing that separates alpha males from the rest, it’s their willingness to overpay for food and drinks just so they can catch a glimpse of a woman in a tight T-shirt and shorts while doing so. That is so alpha. SO alpha.
“All those beta-cucks out there trying to win women over with their conversation and their senses of humour – no wonder they’re all single. I want an overweight man with hot sauce on his shirt who makes me feel like a princess.
“And he will make me feel like a princess by looking at me like Jabba the Hutt looks at Leia.”