“You Shall Not Pass!” Collapse of Crimea bridge blamed on Gandalf the Grey

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Footage of the bridge linking Russia to Crimea appears to show Gandalf of the Istari striking it with his staff moments before collapse.

Gandalf, who is well known for his dislike of bridges, is understood to have brought down the bridge in order to prevent the passage of a terrible evil which threatened the free peoples.

Pictures from the scene show a gap in the bridge above a terrible chasm which plummets to the very roots of the earth, right next to the former flagship of the Russian fleet.

Huge gouts of flame appear to be either a burning fuel supply train or Durins Bane himself, incandescent in his fury and wreathed in a terrible fire.

However, some commentators have blamed Gandalf himself for provoking the attack.

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“By delving too deep, the dwarfs provoked the Balrog of Morgoth who is just defending his legitimate sphere of influence east of the Anduin,” said Nigel Farage on GB News this morning.