As the economy continues to crumble around her ears, prime minister Liz Truss is refusing to leave the security of her large Downing Street fridge unless she is given the opportunity to be photographed looking brave in Ukraine.
A Downing Street spokesperson told us, “She backed into the fridge very slowly as soon as the markets started taking a downward turn after Kwasi’s mini-budget. She’s been there ever since.
“Apparently it makes her feel ‘safe’. She has made it abundantly clear that the only way she’s coming out is if we arrange for her to be photographed with President Zelenskyy while wearing a soldier’s helmet.
“Even then we have to move her from the fridge to the plane under a blanket, just in case a reporter gets to ask her a sneaky question, such as ‘what the actual fuck Liz??’.”
However, a spokesperson for the Ukraine government told us, “We’re not letting that walking disaster zone within a thousand miles of our efforts against Russia. She can have a video phone call. Final offer.”
Meanwhile, voters have wondered if maybe, just maybe, the nation’s leader could appear for a few minutes to explain what she is planning to do about everything going to total shit.
“Honestly, Theresa May was awful, Boris was worse, and I didn’t see how it was possible that Liz Truss could be even worse.
“It’s taken her less than a month to fuck everything up spectacularly. If the queen hadn’t died I think she’d have done it in less than a week.”