Thursday 22 September 2022 by Lucas Wilde

Cashless economy makes bribing a policeman a right hassle


police difficult to bribe in cashless society

Bribing a police officer is a bit tricky when only 14% of Brits regularly carry cash, according to reports this morning.

Twenty years ago, bunging a copper a hundred quid to tear up a speeding ticket was considered the norm, what with the majority of the population still carrying physical money.

“Those were the days,” grumbled Constable Simon Williams, of Thames Valley Police.

“Nowadays they all want to bribe me by card or by tapping their watch on something.

“I’ve done my best to accommodate them, of course, but you try explaining to your annoyingly virtuous, rookie partner why you’ve got a chip-and-pin machine in the squad car.”

Hayley Rice, who was just caught doing 54 in a 30 zone, commented “Oh, do you take cards? I don’t have any cash on me.

“I mean we COULD go to a cash machine, but the nearest one is in town and it’s probably going to look a BIT suspicious if I draw out money and pass it straight to a uniformed police officer.

“I could PayPal it to you? Would that work?”

Williams sighed, reached for his card reader and said, “See? Imagine this scene playing out in L.A. Confidential. Load of bollocks, it really is.”

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