You are the one woman Adam Levine hasn’t spiritually cheated on his wife with, according to reports this morning.
The lead singer of the alleged “band”, Maroon 5, has been caught messaging nearly every woman on Earth who isn’t his wife. Not you, though.
“I have made a series of terrible mistakes, the first of which was to use my verified Instagram account to do this,” confirmed Levine.
“I have sent highly inappropriate messages to every woman on Earth, and for that I am sorry.
“However I won’t apologise for sending those messages to you, as you are the one woman I didn’t flirt with.
“Nothing personal or anything, you’re just not my type.”
Your bitchy friend, Hayley Rice, said “Oh, he didn’t flirt with you? Aww, I’m sorry, that must make you feel REALLY bad about yourself, right?
“I mean, even if he’s not your type, the fact that he messaged literally all of us but left you out? Geez… I’m sorry, hun.”