Woke mob demands new pronouns for national anthem

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In the latest in a series of outrages against common sense and traditional values, so-called “progressives” are seeking to change the pronouns of our very national anthem.

As if the obscene privilege of being allowed to live freely under their own identity was not enough, woke terrorists are demanding that our time-honoured patriotic hymn adopt “he/him” pronouns and masculine titles, in defiance of seventy years of tradition.

“It was bad enough when that singer or actor who I never heard of decided to be a they/them, or something, but this is taking things TOO far,” said local patriot Simon Williams, whilst affixing a large plastic poppy to his van in September.

“Our special song is a bird and you can’t change that just because some numpty with a gender studies degree got ‘offended’. Simple as. End of. FACT.”

When approached for comment on this affront to biological reality, Head Of Royal Protocol Jemima Fotheringham-Smythe tellingly responded, “What on Earth are you blathering on about? Surely you cannot be serious. Please, leave me alone, I am extremely busy at the moment.”

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