A man is definitely using the death of the Queen to avoid doing even the most basic chores around the house, it has been confirmed today.
Two days after the death of Her Majesty, Simon Williams has confirmed to his family that he remains unable to stack the dishwasher or tidy up the living room, due to an overwhelming but inexplicable sense of loss.
“She never lost that sense of duty, of service to others before self,” opined Williams to his wife and two children from the comfort of the family sofa.
“The longevity, yet fragility, of life, all played out before the nation’s eyes. So no, I’m afraid I can’t take the recycling bin out.”
“She was everything to everyone,” continued Williams.
“We will literally never see the like of her again. Now pass me that second tube of Pringles will you, I can feel another wave of sadness coming on.”
“Grief manifests itself in many different guises,” said Simon’s daughter, Evie, 16.
“In dad’s case, it seems to mostly involve lounging around in his pyjamas, scratching his bollocks and watching re-runs of The Royle Family on iPlayer.”