Thursday 8 September 2022 by Neil Tollfree

‘Burn down your house to keep warm’ – Liz Truss addresses energy crisis


burn your house down to stay warm advises Truss

Just a few short days after becoming Prime Minister, Liz Truss has proved that she’s got to grips with the energy crisis by advising people to burn down their houses to keep warm.

“There are many things we can do to lower our fuel bills this winter,” said Truss from her weird mouth.

“The most obvious one is to make efficient use of what is our largest asset: our house!

“Burning your house down will provide both warmth and heat on the coldest day of the year, and after having burnt down your house, you should see a substantial decrease in the price of your bills.”

She went on to offer practical advice on exactly how to burn your house down.

“Make sure your whole family has left the building, along with any pets or friends of your children. Then pour petrol over everything and set your house on fire using a match or a cheap bic lighter. Finally, gather round the fire and enjoy light and heat for free for a number of hours or perhaps even a day.”

There was some criticism that the plans were a little short-term, but the new Prime Minister had already thought of that.

“If, after you have burnt down your house, you find yourself still cold then simply burn down your neighbour’s house. It’s the big society in action!”

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