HMP Strangeways FC disappointed as audacious Ryan Giggs deadline day transfer falls through

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With news emerging on Wednesday that jurors had failed to return a verdict in the former Wales international’s trial for assault and controlling behaviour, Strangeways residents have reacted with anger and disappointment and failing to secure the deadline day signing.  

Team manager and convicted burglar Simon Williams confirmed, “Gutted. This would have been a great deadline day signing, he would certainly have lifted morale.

“We have been hoping Giggsy would come for some time now, ever since we heard that he had been accused of assaulting his ex-girlfriend.

“Obviously we were hoping he would be found guilty, so that we could draft him into the team by the 11 O’clock deadline last night.

“We could really do with a new winger too, as Crazy Tony from B wing is due to be let out next month and there is a real gap in the team.

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“Giggs would have added some great experience to the team and we know he would have fit in well with the lads, most of who are Utd fans, so don’t care about his past.”

Asked what type of salary the former Premiership player could have expected to receive had he signed for the prison team we were told, “Four cigs a week, and not getting his face smashed in.”