Journalists at the Daily Express are set to strike over pay this week, meaning someone else at the paper will be responsible for demonising unionised workers across the country striking for better pay and conditions.
In a move that has been hailed as a ‘testicle-shrivelling embarrassment’ for the tabloid, workers who have spent weeks attempting to paint Mick Lynch as a machiavellian crime boss, will now themselves strike in an attempt to improve their own pay.
Daily Express journalist Simon Williams told us, “People will say I am a hypocrite for writing the sort of articles that paint the RMT as borderline terrorists, while then choosing to go on strike myself – but they couldn’t be more wrong.
“The two situations are very different, mainly because the RMT striking only affects me in a negative way, whereas me going on strike could affect me in a positive way. You see? It’s chalk and cheese.”
Meanwhile, non-simpletons have urged the nation’s newspaper readers to take this opportunity to ditch the Daily Express for good.
As one told us, “The sooner people realise the Daily Express isn’t a newspaper, but rather a propaganda mouthpiece for right-wing interests, the better off we’ll all be.
“But that won’t happen, obviously. Instead, they will write a nice big front page headline that has no basis in fact, but that resonates strongly with all of your Grandad’s inherent biases, and they’ll happily sell that paper to millions of gullible organic consumption units.”